**
I have lost count of how many times one of us have collapsed in fits of hopelessness, but this time seemed to be the last straw. He launched himself into the snow, screaming that he could not go any further. We began to panic and some tried to tackle him to cover his mouth. They desperately groped at him with an overwhelming need to keep him silent, as the last thing any one wanted was another avalanche. That's what they said at least. It should be common knowledge at this point that the earthquake released most if not all possible avalanches.
We are not in our right minds, I know that almost better than anyone. Nothing is common or normal now. Our minds seem to have warped and changed, causing us to make excuses for our troubles and point the finger at eachother to blame SOMETHING for our misery.

Finally, Bryyna found it necessary to use her own superior channeling power to keep them at bay. This terror has begun to affect us all (this has become painfully obvious), and Bryyna is fighting to retain control. I can feel pangs of fear swelling up, an anxiety that has begun to overwhelm me. Perhaps this whole endeavor is hopeless. Our path to Mureia is completely cut off and our carrier automatons have broken down. No one from the other provinces will know what became of us now. They will assume us to be dead. Temperaments run high, and fear and uncertainty plague everyone amongst us; in part of our situation, in part of one another. What are we supposed to do? Is all of this for nothing? Will we all die out here in the ash and snow, with no shelter or fresh water? Will one of the other gifted channelers unhinge and lash out at us, as I almost did? Every moment we wait for these people to collect themselves is another moment our children and family members are suffocating, another degree of temperature lost, another step not taken towards the shelter we are all hoping actually exists.  None of us know where these caverns are except Bryyna. How much further are these caverns if they even exist? Will we even get there at all? We are all wondering this; you can see it in the eyes of everyone behind their breathing masks.

And then Bryyna climbed upon a drift of snow and ash, and called for attention. Although her voice was muffled by her mask, she spoke nonetheless clearly, with a fierce determination while seeming to echo our very concerns:
 

“...But despite losing your lives, you are not dead. Heaven still pumps through your veins, carrying with it the unifying bond each of us share through the Collective. You are members of a society at the peak of human ingenuity and worldly understanding. A society of oneness and charity whose people have even overcome the need for war, slavery, or deception. Never forget that. Certainly, you breathe unfamiliar air and walk on an unfamiliar bed of gray and black.  You have lost your homes, your children, and your livelihoods. As I said, some would indeed proclaim that you have 'lost your lives'. This, however, is as much as I will let you lose. For, despite all this, you are all alive, and I intend to keep you alive, despite whatever hardships may come. I will not promise you an easy life, such as the one you lived before, but follow me, and I will provide you with shelter, with food, and with water. Most importantly, I will provide you with hope, with friendship, and with council. For hope in these times can be more valuable than even food or water. It is hope that creates the survivor, hope that fills a belly with even the smallest portions, and hope that carves a path through the largest drifts of ash and snow. I promise you, we will survive this cataclysm. On the very first dawn of spring, after the skies clear and the sun rises with warmth once more, you will be the people of the 6th Era. No matter how long it takes, or how many times our destination may change. Despite how hopeless the situation may seem, I vow and swear to keep you safe, upon the life-giving Amira in my being. Hold me to it, because nothing in this world means more to me than this oath. I will do everything I can to keep it.”

Addendum: I stored every word into my own ADC. She is truly remarkable... I do not believe we could have ever chosen a better, more incredible person to lead us. I have some amount of hope again, after almost losing every ounce I had. Remarkable. She is absolutely remarkable.

~V

This is the second time that young man stopped walking and started crying uncontrollably. The ashen mask on his face and the darkness of the ash-choked sun, makes it hard to determine his age. I figure he could be anywhere from 18 to 30-seasons-young. Nevertheless, Bryyna did not stop the march and left to the back of the group yet a second time to console him. The rest of us are becoming more anxious, and we have slowed down to wait for her. She had given us orders to keep walking directly towards the gap between two mountains in the distance, but I have grown uncertain which gap it was we were marching towards. Quite a few of the refugees are restless, despite welcoming the frequenting breaks. Their minds seem to drift further away. I can only imagine what they are thinking about... Perhaps, they would rather focus on putting one foot in front of the other, rather than let whatever depressing thoughts they have plague their unsettled minds while resting. Perhaps, they are struggling not to let the seed of hatred for the crumbling young man grow roots. A few people show signs of primitive anger and begin kicking and spitting into the snow. One even begins outwardly growling…

**I am not the only one feeling this… boiling, twisting, gnawing urge to stamp, prod, and cry. Is it from fear? Anger? Sadness? I cannot tell. Truly, Bryyna, who are we fooling with this optimism? Our society’s illusion of advancement has slowly dawned on me. We thought we were so great, so perfect… when in reality, we set ourselves up to fail. Our society has slowly made us dependent on peace and prosperity, never taking into consideration what might happen if that were all to fall to pieces. The stress and anger that rose up from such an upheaval was never anticipated. Could this turn into the beginnings of war? Is this how wars began, with anger and fear? Our people have not had Wars for over two millennia. By the Hand, I cannot even remember when the last war was. We have been so peaceful… Our people are not used to hating each other. We are not used to being hungry. We are not used to survival. We were used to having everything that we needed, and now that that is not being provided it is hard to find any motivation to continue living.

Reason be good... we have not had to endure suffering to such a degree for 2300 years, since the beginning of the 5th Era... but now…will we lose our minds because of this…? If we lose our intelligence and our willingness to cooperate… By the Hand, the weeping and angry grumbling sounds of the other refugees are beginning to echo in my ears… I would never have been able to even imagine such sadness and fear before the disaster… This is too much.**

    ~V
   

**
Bryyna, calmly and simply as always, announced this morning that we will be heading to the Tertian Caverns, about three days of a walk from where we are. We are out of the heavy ashfall now, she said, but now our main priority was shelter, and hopefully a path to Mureia. We are just finishing a breakfast of pemmican with forced conversation, and will be leaving as soon as we are done.**

    ~V

Addendum: We discovered before we left this morning that someone had gone off by themselves last night... A few minutes was all it took to find his footprints in the snow... that lead to the edge of the cliff. Reason help me... I tried to stop them, but in that single instant, I was bombarded with with a thousand vivid and clear images of Somin's death; fabrications my mind created of his contorted screaming face as he shouted my name and fell over the edge of the University's wall, disappearing from my life forever. I heard my son scream in my mind louder than I could have believed possible, reliving that awful, terrible moment I had been trying so damn hard to bury. Finally I saw him on that cliff, I swear I did! He was so real, his reader crystal even glinted on his neck in the dim light as I felt him rip his hand free of mine (though I am not certain when I had taken hold of it). I even felt the slight impact his feet made on the ground, which grew more into a thunderous shockwave with each step towards the cliff, making my ears ring with the overwhelming sound. Finally, he looked at me with an eerie, uncharacteristic apathy in his dull brown eyes. A powerful sense of dread and panic enveloped me, but just as it happened the first time, I was unable to stop him; paralyzed by panic as he stepped over. A scream boomed through the mountain pass, although I could not be certain if it was his... or mine. 

I cannot recall exactly what happened after that from my own memory... I woke up in the ash and snow, a cloth over my mouth and another body pinning me to the ground, shouts of "Go help that one over there!" was slightly audible over the ringing in my ears. I tried to ask what happened but my voice was gravelly and inaudible. I discovered later that I had ripped my mask off, screamed, and almost jumped over the cliff, but a woman named Taethra had tackled me down before I could. I wasn't the only one who reacted strangely to the man's suicide. There were others who had reacted similarly, screaming and fainting. Eventually a landslide was triggered on the other side of the canyon. We are assuming it was because of the shouting... but I am not convinced. The earthquake from weeks before should have triggered the most sensitive of slides and avalanches. However, I am afraid to voice my own theory. I do not wish to be treated as a monster. Whether it was my fault or the fault of another channeler's power, it will not matter. They know I am a channeler, they will assume it was me, since I have done it before. 

​

​**
To make matters so much worse, we found the pass to Mureia was blocked by an avalanche of snow and ash three meters deep. We made camp there tonight, near the foot of the avalanche as Bryyna assessed the situation away from the rest of camp. I do not know whereabout she is exactly, but I hope she is figuring things out... I know she is.**

    ~V


Addendum: Most everyone has finally fallen asleep at this hour... I need to sleep too, but I cannot. It's overwhelming, the cranking and twisting withing me. Much as I wish I could pretend to be confident, or even any measure of mentally sound, I'm not. None of us are, but what do I care of the sadness of others? When have I ever cared?! Who among us have truly given a-- No, how could I think that... of course we care, but what is there to go back to?! Why should we care if none of us will survive anyway?! My mind is screaming in pain, and my whole body feels like it is pulsing with conflicting and churning emotions in such a way that I might explode all over again!


Wait, what nature of stupidity are these lies I am weaving? Oh Reason, what is wrong with me? When did I become so selfish? This is OUR survival, not just mine! There are families who are struggling to hold onto one another, an I am brooding about my own self... what a destructive mind I have! I feel I am barely keeping myself from another episode of destructive automatic channeling. I need to calm down and ground myself now... Let' see... my instructor in Primary once taught us something. She said we are part of a complex organism called 'Society'; built from individuals whom, like cells, were originally solitary beings long, long ago who lived only for their own survival. The individuals who worked together achieved greater results, and so evolved to become a collective force far greater than themselves. We cannot live without the organism. We are the one, and the one is all. We take into ourselves the ideas, values and beliefs of the collective organism that have been created over thousands of years of tradition and contingency, yet we are allowed relative individual autonomy while acting as a whole to support the survival of society's organism... One big... dying organism. And if an organism experiences stress... the whole system suffers as well. That's just how it goes.


If in another world, we were truly, completely unconnected and were able to react individually and take care of ourselves, it is possible we might have suffered less... but we need each other's support for numbers to survive. Individuals acting on their own in a situation like this... truly could kill more than it would save... but if none of the cells are prepared for the stress, they'll break down and die. It is the same way with people... so, I cannot justify those selfish thoughts... They are a cancer to the organism.

​It has been nearly a week, I assume, since leaving the University and we are finally leaving the boats to head for the road east to Mureia, although we begin with some trepidation. Upon attempting to leave the boats, one of the older carrier automatons was found to be dysfunctional and was unable to even leave the boat, seeming to be completely jammed. The stronger individuals were asked to carry much of the supplies the automaton would have carried, and the nonessential items were left hidden under one of the overturned boats. Bryyna told us to keep walking as much as possible and stop as few times as our bodies can allow. She told us that we still had control over the situation as long as we did something to save ourselves and our families, and right now that something was 'walk'. While Bryyna’s speeches have always been a source of inspiration, in some dark corner of my heart, I am anxious. **Having to leave behind an automaton is very unusual in normal circumstances, and a small amount of uneasiness about the performance of the other three automatons crept up and screamed distantly in the back of my mind. I hope my worry is unfounded…**
​
    ~V

​I am still unsure how this could be allowed to happen to us.  For some reason, I feel as if there has been some sort of mistake… or like some sort of law that declares the eternal prosperity has been violated… we had worked so hard to reach the pinnacle of human existence, how could it be taken away? How could this be allowed? The harsh-voiced woman in the seat next to me would not stop mumbling about the return of angry gods. Before, anyone might have dismissed her statement and kindly corrected her, but… now I am not so certain… maybe this woman is right. However, the thought of my innocent son being the consequential victim of some returned god’s tantrum makes me angry and nauseous and I had to excuse myself and move to the front of the boat to speak with Bryyna, who has been our pillar and our counselor.  The woman we are following hesitates, and then smiles behind her cloth mask, telling me that if these gods exist, they are just as surprised as we are at this turn of events. Of course, as soon as I was about to receive deeper council, another refugee cried out and kindly, motherly Bryyna dutifully moves across the boat to his aid. I feel dejected when she leaves my conversation to see to the wails of the young man. I feel immediately guilty for thinking so selfishly, but the health of my mind felt brushed aside… this is a strange feeling. Perhaps this is part of how the disaster affected my ‘soul’. I suppose, if I felt the same after such trauma, then I should be worried… still, it seems to fester in my mind a bit… hopefully, I can just forget about this and focus on surviving… if we do not keep stalling for the little brat, that is.
 
**Addendum: I almost directed my channeling in a destructive, primitive, and automatic fashion. Had the situation been different (had I not just been though the worst horror I could have ever imagined), being out of control like that would have been one of the instances I have been most terrified in my life. The water next to one of the boats exploded and almost toppled it, along with the 14 people and the carrier automaton on board. Bryyna spent what felt like hours as we drifted, consoling me and telling me everything was alright. I was worried that the stressful situation had caused me to lose focus and control of my Amira. Bryyna confirmed to me that it had, but that it was not my fault, and that it was a natural thing we were going to face. She was already coming up with a plan to help all of us with this problem, so we should just leave it to her and not worry. Bryyna later told me I was welcome to follow her as she counseled each person, and that she held nothing against me, or any one of the other gifted channelers that followed, for almost losing control. She said the most important thing was to count to 10, and it would all be okay. Such a simple thing, in my opinion, but I will readily take her word for it.**
    ~V

Researcher Annotations:
I have heard of a city that was uncovered in the province of Tyr, near Lupine,  that was buried under 80 ft of ash. They had been carving a new system of homes into the rock when they found bodies; warped and screaming in their deathbeds of compact ash. I think this is what could have happened to those people.

​Volcanic ash is not like normal ash. It is practically pulverized rock and glass.
​

**
​It has been three days since my last entry... and it pains me to describe the sight we have just witnessed in one of the villages along the river. Half of the town almost seems to be enchanted by a sleeping spell, frozen in time for all eternity, similar to fairy-tales from my youth. The other half seems to have passed while awake, *some with eyes full of fear, grasping at their throats, some covering their mouths. There are children huddled in doorways, parents clutching their families, and pets on their backs with their mouths gaping at the sky. Bryyna reluctantly told us that these people had died from inhaling the ash for a prolonged period. The ash had mixed with the fluid in their lungs and formed a type of cement, suffocating them from within. Those who were inside passed out from the other toxic gases the ash brought with it and died in their sleep.* This, she said, was the fate she had warned us about, and the reason wearing the masks was so important.

We did not have time to deal with the bodies, so we took what supplies we could and climbed back into the boats. We tried to make as much distance from the village as possible.
    ~V

**
​I have been weeping heavily. Though, the sobs seem empty as if it is another self, separate from me, who sheds my tears. The party has finally returned from the bottom of the valley to us. I can only imagine how long it must have taken to deliver the news to every corner of the University, but I still feel some amount of impatience, which I feel ashamed for. The poor man who told me the news had blood all over his boots and hands, and his face looked sunken and drawn. It was… it must have been as hard to convey the scene to me as it was for me to imagine. And it is even harder to accept. They’ve estimated over 200 bodies lie at the bottom, but did not have the time, or ability, to identify them. However, the survival of a 9-springs-young boy who possessed no channeling ability...  and with almost 10 seconds to reach the bottom… it is impossible. Reason, preserve me, I cannot remember what could have possibly given me the notion that he could have survived.
​
They told me that a fraction of the victims possessed the ability to use various specialized channeling to somehow break their fall and walk away, but— My Somin… I have nothing of Somin’s except for this little ADC. This little, unused crystal. It is a bittersweet trinket to me now. He even had a Reader Crystal embedded in the back of his neck like everyone else at 7-seasons-young so that he could use the ADC, read texts and histories stored in a Codex, and communicate with transmissions across the span of the continent. For those who were not born with the gift to channel like I was, like 5% of our society was, these Reader crystals were supposed to be their link to the broad span of possibilities offered to us through Crystal Amira Technology… but despite all this, I never truly assumed he was going to use this ADC for its intended purpose.

Such a special boy he was… he always preferred physical books to Codices and ADCs. He always told me how much more comfortable he was with physical pages, (how he would have loved the library’s hidden book rooms…) and that it was hard for him to concentrate on the texts in his mind when he accessed a Codex crystal. But oh, how he loved the way it sparkled, the way they separated light into rainbows, the way stored information glinted and blinked within their structured facets. I remember when I first gave it to him, he marveled at it for hours. I never truly looked at the glitter and sparkle of an ADC before he came into my life… and even until now— I suppose that members of our society— no, that I myself took their presence for granted… but now I--

Oh, Somin, my dear boy… I should have paid closer attention to your ideas, and to the beautiful way in which you looked at the world. I am sorry I refused to see it, and I regret it all the more now that everything is gone… I believe you saw the tools of our society the way our founders had; with fresh eyes, full of wonder and acceptance. Can you ever forgive me for not being the parent you needed, my beautiful boy…?

    ~V

The council of the University is assigning scholars to small groups of frightened people scattered across the University’s tiers. Ours has not arrived yet, but we expect an arrival soon. I am having a hard time being in my own body right now. *We received word that the earthquake from two days before has unlocked an even more deadly fate for us… it seems to have triggered a massive volcanic eruption in the north, which blew out all but two northern settlements, which… explains the persistent tremors. We also seem to have lost contact with those surviving settlements about half an hour ago. The aftershocks from the earthquake are continuing to cause fear and panic out here in Rue, but thankfully any avalanches seem to have been caught by the barriers cut into the mountainsides around the university…*

By the Hand, I feel as if I keep drifting in and out of despair and denial. As of now, it is as though I am in a very vivid dream... as if none of this is real. The notion that this wretched experience should be nothing but a mistake lingers hopefully in my mind. Is this really the end of the world, or was it just an anomaly of some kind? Could my son by some miracle—  

By the Heaven in my veins! I feel as if that thunderclap should have cost me multiple years off my life... I am grateful it was not another of the earthquake’s aftershocks… Oh, Reason, the memory is too fresh, damn it all. It looks as if a storm has rolled in… As if more noise and terror is all we need from nature’s most bountiful hand! I should probably stop writing for now. None of my sentences are making any coherent sense to me.

~V

The university’s atmosphere has not improved. There University has acquired something of a Kuutite funeral quality to it. It has become somewhat of a pastime for me to observe the ways the other people responded to the disaster (perhaps so I could spare myself from my own). Some are screaming and wailing, and some are just staring at the wall. There was a man whom I must have scared half to death with a simple cough as he walked past me.  One group of people have become irritable, which is causing a great deal of anxiety, and then here I am, distracting myself. I do, however, feel a small pang of guilt in my heart for doing something as hypocritical as this. I’ve been afraid to speak at all, …but…  still, it is amazing how so many people with the same experience could have such drastically different reactions, but perhaps this is not the proper time to be intrigued by the suffering of others… I am sure there are many of us who were traumatized by the earthquake, and that should be enough for me. Perhaps I should do some research to keep myself busy in a different way.

The library is rather busy, at least more than I expected it to be after something like this. Many of the council members specifically are down there, browsing Codex crystals and paper books alike, debating on what to do and researching the occurrences that have transpired. Paper books, even in this library. Somin will be so exci—…ah…

**
Anyway… I did some research on earthquakes in the Library, but my findings only filled me with more unease. There is no record of aftershocks lasting for over a few hours in even the worst situations, let alone a whole day… I think I will attempt some form of sleep.
​
         ~V

​Researcher Annotations:
None

**
​A party was sent to the bottom of the valley to search for remains of those who fell from the arches, but... his scream as he fell from the University’s wall. By the Hand, the cries of children will never be as soothing as they used to be... I suppose I should give up on the notion that Somin could have survived that fall… but I need to know! I need to see him for myself before I will believe it. Is that strange for me to think that? It might be… but maybe there is a chance he is down there, crying and broken or unconscious… Oh, Reason, I cannot bear to think of it any longer but it consumes my being… This uncertainty is worse than facing death…
    ~V

**
​I have never once in my life regretted coming to this University until today. I never once questioned nature’s power, and yet—… Amira, flow steadily through us all... the University has been— an earthquake. It felt as if the mountains were the teeth in the gaping maw of some giant world eating beast a millennia-in-slumber... and it has awoken to take my son... my beautiful Somin, Light of my life and everything I held dear. I did not want to believe that the shakes I felt were real when they happened… something within me fought with every fiber not to move, not to believe it was anything worth worry, and to just wait until it was over so I could continue my walk with my son… I feel I dishonor his memory by being unable to recall in slow seconds exactly how it is he was taken from me; the direction the floor shifted, the way he leaned when it threw him off balance, out of my grasp and out of the open archways… I hate myself for not being able to remember that simple sequence. The truth is I never saw him fall, but I knew.

I remember his sharp shriek… the moment his hand slipped from mine, I remember how everything went black. I vaguely recall someone taking my arm and leading me somewhere. I could hear them talking to me, but they sounded so far away. I was content to stay that way at the time, I remember thinking that. I felt soft pats on my face, heard the thunderous growling of stone and earth, and distant wailing and whimpering, but it was another child ’s scream that brought me back my sight, or what sight I had that was not drowning in watery tears. How suddenly every moment I spent with Somin seemed to zip past me, and suddenly I was fighting a group of five or so people with everything I had to go back to where I was, where I had let Somin fall.  They spoke in soft tones and hushed me, though my arms are bruised from their firm grips. I think I hurt one or two of them, I cannot recall. I have no clue where that desperate strength came from, but it frightened me…

After the quakes ceased, and I was securely prevented from jumping after my son, a few people stayed with me as the rest surveyed the damage. I preferred to write in my journal, to attempt to sort out my thoughts in my head... One man, he said his name was Noba, tried talking to me for a little while, looking for kinship in the loss of a loved one, but left after I refused to talk. I felt a heavy stab of guilt as he sighed and walked away. How could I talk right now…? If I dare utter a single word, I somehow know I will not be able to hold any of my tears back.

The man returned and sat a bit away from me and began to paint. He softly asked if he could use some inspiration from the words he saw in my journal, and I just nodded. I should have said yes… I should have spoken to him, but I cannot. I physically cannot, because I am afraid. I know I am. I do not want to feel such a deep and hollow ache as the kind I know by instinct is waiting for me the moment I open myself to consolation. I am not accustomed to pain, but neither is anyone else. That man is trying to be brave and embrace his loss and fear. I wish I could be that brave…


~V

**
​This place is absolutely incredible. Now that we have settled into our new residence in one of the apartments on the first tier, Somin and I decide to explore the rest of the complex. It takes about three days to explore. The university's walls stretch triangularly, point to point between triplet mountains, it’s arches settled firmly into the solid rock of the Rue. Each of the three tiers of arches holds a large, thriving community. Each community is connected by a spiraling road upwards, equipped with a pulley system to help motorcoaches and the occasional oxen pull heavy loads up the corkscrew ramp. There is also an adjoining staircase to the road and 20 elevators around the circular inner rim for smaller loads. There are even staircases spiraling upwards through the tiers of the University, jutting through the floors in thick columns. One column is placed in each point of the university’s trigonal plane. Each of them are 3m around. The University’s campus rests on top and within the thickest and uppermost tier, its buildings short and close together to avoid wind damage. A town on the second tier teeming with Amira powered automatons, market stalls, and restaurants support the population of the university, complete with farmers and shepherds who frequent the mountain valleys and manmade terraces to raise crops and livestock. The bottom tier holds housing, where Somin and I now live. Avalanche barriers cut into the mountainsides adorn the three peaks like circlets, directing melting water into aqueducts and waterfalls that drape down the mountainsides, irrigating the terraces as well as pleasing the eye. And then there is the famous Library of Rue, which Somin and I have been waiting to find since our arrival. The main library within the thick walls of the uppermost tier is stocked with only a fraction of the books the true Library holds, kept safe from decay and aging. I hear scholars have been at work in the true Library day and night for 200 years transferring books to Codex crystals, or Codices, and still do to this day! How many books must be in there?! Ahh, I think I could die happy here.

    ~V

Researcher Annotation:
**
According to my source, the Mauaev, or the Nomads, decendants of  Mureian peoples, believe in something called Amira, roughly translated as "Heaven". Amira is essence, it is energy. It is active and inactive, and encompases all forms of energy including spiritual and physical. It also the place from which all souls come and where all souls return to be recycled.  (This was a very difficult concept for me to wrap my head around, I assure you.)
Their technology in 5E was based on their ability to program, store, channel, and release this energy to accomplish certain tasks.
ADC's, or Amira Data Crystals, are a crystal storage device that acts to store memories of a person through an embedded Reader Crystal in the back of the neck. My source was unable to explain the exact process, but somehow the Reader's Amira is programmed to be able to translate the Amira of a person's mind into data and send it to the ADC.

I desperately wanted my son, Somin, to experience the joy of rustic traveling, so I insisted on purchasing horses for the trip rather than take motorcoach or rail. With bags strapped to the horses in the fashion that the stable keeper showed us, we traveled on the backs of animals through Mureia’s square. Somin was beaming with the brightest smile as we received confused stares from the city’s people, with their various mindless automatons and motorcoaches. They gawked in awe, and I haven’t the slightest doubt that some stored the image into their personal ADCs (but not one would write the experience down on paper, Reason knows. Likely, these people have not touched parchment since primary education).

~V